Things have indeed gone ugly. Allow me to say my last piece about this.
A friend once told me that to forget a great love you need an equally great amount of hate. Of course, i disagreed, being the hopeless romantic that I was back then. How can two people who shared so much possibly end up hating each other? It’s impossible for something that special to just be forgotten and replaced by something as ugly as hate. That was my argument.
Silly me, that’s what I ended up doing these past weeks. I was hurt when you called me abusive and the relationship we had as bullshit-peppered. I retaliated and took my turn at hurling mud. I was pathetic, I admit it now. And I’m sorry. I hope you will accept this last apology from me.
Please don’t think that what we had was a lie. Our love was not a lie. It was real. We were happy. Yes, we ended badly, but that doesn’t erase anything. Nothing can, not even hate. I tried to hate you, i tried to look for reasons to be angry at you, but I only ended up more wounded and bitter. I realized that what I needed to give was not hate but acceptance. I just have to accept that our happy times together have ended.
It will take time. That’s where we went wrong. We were in such a hurry to move on that we resorted to the hate route. But I’m going to stop it now. Our years together can’t possibly be forgotten in a few weeks. Trying to move on so fast would be insulting what we had. I will move on in time.
Until then, I will keep crying every time I watch Glee. I will keep starting our Pokemon Dungeon rescue game and levelling up your Corsola. I will keep picking up an extra pair of spoon and fork by mistake. I will keep turning my head every time my seatmate sprays on her perfume. I will keep checking if the empty Oreo wrapper is still in my bag. I will keep finding myself staring at your name in my phonebook. I will keep wishing I’d hear “Jajap ko” one more time.
And the image of you hugging my bag and waiting for me to come back to you that night, I will keep remembering it until it no longer hurts.
Sorry naging tarantado ako. Sana mapatawad mo ako balang araw. Pero minahal kita, yun ang totoo. Maraming salamat sa lahat. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang pinagsamahan natin.