Things have indeed gone ugly. Allow me to say my last piece about this.
A friend once told me that to forget a great love you need an equally great amount of hate. Of course, i disagreed, being the hopeless romantic that I was back then. How can two people who shared so much possibly end up hating each other? It’s impossible for something that special to just be forgotten and replaced by something as ugly as hate. That was my argument.
Silly me, that’s what I ended up doing these past weeks. I was hurt when you called me abusive and the relationship we had as bullshit-peppered. I retaliated and took my turn at hurling mud. I was pathetic, I admit it now. And I’m sorry. I hope you will accept this last apology from me.
Please don’t think that what we had was a lie. Our love was not a lie. It was real. We were happy. Yes, we ended badly, but that doesn’t erase anything. Nothing can, not even hate. I tried to hate you, i tried to look for reasons to be angry at you, but I only ended up more wounded and bitter. I realized that what I needed to give was not hate but acceptance. I just have to accept that our happy times together have ended.
It will take time. That’s where we went wrong. We were in such a hurry to move on that we resorted to the hate route. But I’m going to stop it now. Our years together can’t possibly be forgotten in a few weeks. Trying to move on so fast would be insulting what we had. I will move on in time.
Until then, I will keep crying every time I watch Glee. I will keep starting our Pokemon Dungeon rescue game and levelling up your Corsola. I will keep picking up an extra pair of spoon and fork by mistake. I will keep turning my head every time my seatmate sprays on her perfume. I will keep checking if the empty Oreo wrapper is still in my bag. I will keep finding myself staring at your name in my phonebook. I will keep wishing I’d hear “Jajap ko” one more time.
And the image of you hugging my bag and waiting for me to come back to you that night, I will keep remembering it until it no longer hurts.
Philip ko,
Sorry naging tarantado ako. Sana mapatawad mo ako balang araw. Pero minahal kita, yun ang totoo. Maraming salamat sa lahat. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang pinagsamahan natin.
They say that to completely move on, one must turn to stone.
ReplyDeleteSincerely, I wish its yet the end.
pray. it'll take some of your pain away. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI chanced upon this somewhere: "Make a place for the event in your life and then put it in its place."
ReplyDeleteako i envy those people who have the ability to accept the disappointments of life and then move on
Hate is just simply out of the question when you mentioned a lot of cheer in his behalf -- Glee, Pokemon, Oreos, and a pet name. That self defeating crap will do nothing for preservation, so its a good thing you have the mind to disagree with your friend from the get go.
ReplyDeleteDwelling is bullshit; it simply will not answer. But then, if you think moving on is final, and that there's just no room for an amendment, then you will need to distract yourself. Read my blog or something.
Cheers you!
That's also one thing I can't fathom, just like what you wrote,
ReplyDelete"How can two people who shared so much possibly end up hating each other? It’s impossible for something that special to just be forgotten and replaced by something as ugly as hate."
Really, that I don't understand.How can people just throw away, months or even years of being together. It's a shame, but I guess that happens to a lot of people.
A term we'd like to call the grieving process.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, both your paths will once again cross and see each other with a genuine smile on your faces.
this healing process, no one can possibly tell when or how it will find conclusion. but you are right, deciding to reach for acceptance is the initial step.
ReplyDelete.
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what i don't understand though is this: why destiny allowed some people to meet when there's no way for them to be together?
.
.
in destiny's(?) time Jason. we'll probably all get our answers.
.
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goodluck bro!
Until then, I will keep crying every time I watch Glee. I will keep starting our Pokemon Dungeon rescue game and levelling up your Corsola. I will keep picking up an extra pair of spoon and fork by mistake. I will keep turning my head every time my seatmate sprays on her perfume. I will keep checking if the empty Oreo wrapper is still in my bag. I will keep finding myself staring at your name in my phonebook. I will keep wishing I’d hear “Jajap ko” one more time.
ReplyDeletenaiyak ako jayson. sigh. naalala ko na naman yung movie na One More Chance sa sinabi mong iyan.
ano pa nga bang masasabi ko eh di move on, move forward pero wag kalimutan ang mga masasayang araw at pati na rin yung hard times nyo ni ex mo. para sa susunod na darating sa buhay mo o kung sya pa rin eh alam mo na ang dapat at hindi dapat gawin.
(pinaiyak mo ko, i hate you :P)
dont worry..hurt will fade in the right time. Normal naman na hate ang una nating mararamdaman kapag iniwan tayo. at guilt kapag tayo ang nang-iwan. be strong xj... let go of the guilt.
ReplyDelete"I will move on in time."
ReplyDeleteit will all be better in time,
just keep the faith
i guess, each of us has his own story like this. thanks for remninding me some wonderful memories...
ReplyDeleteIt's really sad to see relationships falter and end up like this...like the saying goes, you don't miss your water til the well runs dry. Just ouch!
ReplyDeleteI hope you guys will both move on and look back at those times you shared happy and without bitterness.
acceptance is really a cornucopia of feelings.
ReplyDeletethere is pain. there is joy. there is freedom. there is realization. there is maturity.
Haysh. SAD talaga yan. Wala kay mahimo. Kinahanglanun man jud na arun maka move-on ka. Naa bay nagbuwag nga nalipay? (Ay, naa diay!) Ug nag-pangga jud kag taman...taman taman pud imong masinati nga kasakit. Ingun ana jud. BUSA, antusa lang. Pag abot sa taknang oras, mapahiyom ra ka sa paghinumdom sa tanan!!!
ReplyDelete''mas mahal, mas masakit'':((
ReplyDeleteMoving on starts with a painful goodbye.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to the both of you.
saying goodbye is the most painful thing to do lalo na kung minamal mo yong isang tao pero we need to move on ganoon talaga e. Kaya mo yan kapatid
ReplyDeletethis is really moving. very heartfelt.
ReplyDeletethe wounds are still fresh i think. but it will heal in time.
muabot lang ang tama nga panahon nga maayos ang tanan :) wish you both well.
I turn love into hatred just to forget someone I greatly loved. It did not work, because I guess, the more we hate, the more we love the person. Hating is just an excuse to cover the pain that lingers inside, to fill the void that we try so hard to hide.
ReplyDeleteI guess there is no good formula to move on, we cannot forget either, but the most important thing we have is hope... That things will be better someday. Life goes on as many say, but sometimes, life stops when the heart stops beating not for use, but for someone we greatly care about.
I have song for you, and for the rest out there who still hold on to that piece of past they've been saving all this time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiGmpeBBBaI
congratulation you have gone the final stage of moving on - ACCEPTANCE.
ReplyDeleteHay Jason, what you wrote was beautiful. I guess, we all have these stories of heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say that you haven't heard before? Perhaps, at these moments, it is enough to listen.
Kane
"I used to think we were number one
But now it seems so far away."
Thanks everyone. =)
ReplyDelete