Kung nagkataong ginawa mo yun sa ibang gabi, hindi sana ganito ang kinahnatungan.
Kung nagktaong tinanggap mo ako bago ang gabing yun at hinayaan mo na amang akong bumawi pagkatapos nun, hindi sana nagkaganun.
Yun din naman pala ang gusto mo, sana yun na lang agad ang sinabi mo. Hdini na sana tayo nagkaganito.
Putangina, may pride din naman ako. Pakiramdam ko nagago ako nung bigla mo akong binalikan nung nakita mong may ibang nagkaintteres.
Hindi ako "nagtaksil ulit". Napagod ako at nung nakausap ko siya, pakiramdam ko nakapagpahinga ako.
Pero handa pa din akong talikuran siya nun. Kasi sayo nga ako. Kaso nakipagbalikan ka bigla.Para akong nagago. Parang pinahirapan mo lang talaga ako.
Tapos ako ulit ang kontrabida? Kasalanan ko na naman ang lahat? Ang lahat lahat?
Isang bwan na mahigit ang lumipas, pero oo, may galit pa din akong nararamdaman. Para kasing nawalan ng kwenta ang lahat ng pagsisilbi ko sayo. Kung makapagpost ka noon, parang hindi ka man lang sumaya sa akin. Parang bang inapi api lang kita. Basahin mo mga sarili mong entries noon, bakal sakaling maalala mo na may kwenta din pala akong tao.
At para sa lahat ng humusga sa akin nang di man lang nag-iisip na baka may ibang nangyari na hindi nila alam, ang bobobo niyo. Sa susunod, aalamin niyo muna ang kwento. Ang parehong panig.
Yan ang dahilan kung buakit nabuo ang blog na to. Para ipakita sa inyong lahat na totoong tao ako.HIndi ako isang tauhan lang sa kwento ng iba. May sarili din akng kwento.
At ito ang panig ko. I did not give you hell that weekend. You thought you were giving me a chance but you weren't. I must admit, for a time i believed you. Pero nung bigla kang nakipagbalikan, i realized you were just bent on making me suffer. Then when you felt threatend, bigla kang bumaliktad. biglang gusto mo na ako ulit.
Tingin mo hindi kita minahal? Tingin mo ganun kadali sa akin?
putangina, hanggnag ngayon di ko pa matapon tapon yung wrapper ng oreo na binigay mo sa akin sa bus. Hnaggang ngayon pinipilit ko pa ding ayusin ang napipigtas nang kwintas na binigay mo sa akin. At ara-waraw ko pa ding suot. Nagrerecord pa din ako ng matinong inside your heaven, para sana balang araw pag sakaling nagkaayos na tayo eh maiibigay ko sayo bilang kaibigan.
Sana masaya ka sa kung ano man ang ginagawa mo ngayon sa buhay mo. Ako, miserable pa din. Bitter pa din. Pathetic pa din. Sinusundan pa din kita sa blog mo at twitter mo. Parang tanga lang. Muntik na akong pumntang megamalll nung biyernes kasi baka totohanin mo ang pagpunta mo dun.
sana hindi ka mapahamak sa mga ginagawa mo. Alala mo ba yung taga myanmar? Sana mag-ingat kang hindi na maulit yun. hindi na kita mapoprotektahan ngayon.
Sana di na lang ako pumunta sa party nung gabing yun. Baka sakaling naging tayo ulit. Pero di ko lang din sigurado, kasi kung hindi mo pa nakitang kinakausap niya ako, baka hindi mo pa din ako tinatanggap hanggang ngaon.
Pero oo. Mahal pa din kita. putangina. mahal na mahal pa din. kung kaya ko lang talagang ibalik lahat sa simula.
To everyone, this will be my last post in this blog. Thank you, all of you, for taking the time to read my story. I leave my best to all of you. And I hope none of you will have to go through what we went through.
Ex Jason's story is finished. It did not have a happy ending. It just ended.
you are one of the few blogs i actually back-read (well it helps that yours is a young blog) because you write well, you are one heck of a good read. it pains me that things will end like this, for your story, for your blog. but to each his own way of coping and moving on so I can ony respect your decision. hopefully as you end this one, a new blog will rise from the same author essaying new adventures and misadventures.
ReplyDeleteOnwards to a new life, young man. Onwards and don't look back.
ReplyDeleteFarewell Ex Jason. It was good while it lasted, yes?
ReplyDeleteKane
See you dude, in your next lifetime.
ReplyDeleteMakahanap ka sana ng kapayapaan. Ingat lagi.
Jason naman!!!! sana makagawa ka ng ibang blog...yung happy blog...ingat...i have ur number...usap tau minsan, dong!
ReplyDeleteawwwwwww. ingat palagi. invite mo pa rin ako sa mga gimik mo ha. hihihi
ReplyDeleteex jason's story has not ended yet. just a chapter closed. another leaf of a new page will begin. :)
ReplyDeletelee's right. but if this will help you move on...
ReplyDeletebasta yayain mo lang kami sa inuman sessions mo. haha
i wrote this line months ago:
ReplyDeletesome endings are new beginnings.
find yours.
-geek
Jason, I actually had to re-read this entry dahil I wasn't sure the target audience, as if you were actually directing it to your ex.
ReplyDeleteBut nonetheless, as others have pointed out, you really have a talent in writing.
I respect your decision. We will miss you. ^_^
Let's have a drink one time.
There is comfort in closure. And a cold glass of beer.
ReplyDeleteFind your voice somewhere else. I hope this becomes a reminder to us all, to heed both sides of a story, and never convict without the deserved perusal.
And they said writing is therapeutic. I gather you are an exception. Goodluck with the rest of your life. And I'm saying that on the off chance that you meant what you said, and that we won't really hear from you again.
ReplyDeleteWe don't always agree with the movie's ending. Minsan gusto mo pa. Parang ngayon, ayoko tanggapin na last post na to. Parang adik lang haha.
ReplyDeleteNo one wins or loses in love kasi it's not a game. I wish you joy and love, Ex Jason.
And another show has ended... pero sa pagsasara ng bawat telon may muli namang magbubukas.
ReplyDeleteSieze the days ahead! Remember the past but don't look back. Move forward.
siyet!naramdaman ko yun intensity ng pagmamahal mo...sana kung anu man pinagdadaanan nyo e matapos na,kung wala na talagang pagmamahal e di let go,if pareho pang may feelings mag usap kayo,mag compromise,kung mahal nyo pa din isat isa pero mahirap na mag umpisa ulit,mag hiwalay muna kayo ng landas, give time and space for each other,malay nyo sa future maging ok na lahat
ReplyDeleteo yan napahaba tuloy!LOL
This is by far the saddest blog entry I've ever read. Because beyond the pain it communicates, its creator has bid goodbye.
ReplyDeleteWhen one door closes, another one (or a window) opens. I hope you find something to write about again. We will miss you.
And just like many before me said, we can share a drink. Sabihan mo lang kami ha. There's Twitter and comment areas for us to reach each other.
Again, we will miss you. Badly.
babalik ka.
ReplyDelete