I woke up to the sound of something hitting the door. It was a soft sound, but it was enough to break the dawn’s silence. I groped for my phone to check the time; it was still four –thirty in the morning. Deciding that I just imagined the sound, I went back to sleep.
But I was woken up once again, this time by the sound of the door opening. Still groggy, I glanced at my roommates and saw through their silhouettes that they were still asleep on their beds. That was enough to have me fully awake in a split second. Our landlady had warned us a few days before that there had been a series of thefts in our neighbourhood and that her son had seen a suspicious-looking guy lurking outside the house for the past few nights.
I tried to stay calm. I fixed my gaze at my laptop, which was beside me. My head was turned away from the door, so there was no way for me to check without being noticed if someone had already broken in. If a thief had indeed broken into our room, he would go for my laptop first. Its small twinkling light was easy to spot in the dark. What I would do though if I did see it getting stolen was something I did not think about.
I started to hear footsteps. I heard the sound of our slippers being pushed aside and my empty cigarette packs on the floor being stepped on. Each step sounded closer than the one before it.
I tried to ready myself. I still had no idea what I would do if I felt someone reach over me to grab my laptop, or if I felt heard the footsteps stop beside me. I realized I should have gotten up after I heard the sound at the door, but it was too late. I wanted to wake my roommates up, I wanted to get up and stop whoever had broken into our room, but I could not move. I was paralyzed by cold fear.
The footsteps stopped. I listened for any other sound but there was nothing. I stayed still, almost praying that I won’t feel a knife stabbing at the back or a belt choking my neck from behind. I strained my ears trying to catch any sound, but minutes passed and there was only silence. It was just my imagination, I told myself. I took deep breaths, cursing the horror movies I watched that had left me paranoid. I rolled over until I was lying on my back; slowly, just in case there was indeed a madman in our room. After staying still for a few more seconds, I started to slowly reach for my phone.
Then someone was pinning me down, weighing down on my chest. I could not breathe. I panicked. I tried to struggle but I could not move at all. I tried to feel my arms. They were not restrained but I can’t move them. I tried to see who he was but it was pitch-black. My eyes had been shut and I could not open them. Desperate, I tried to scream but no voice came out. Still, I kept trying to call out to my roommates.
It was then that I heard his voice, the voice of the one who was on top of me. He was mocking me, calling out my roommates’ names as I was struggling to scream them.
Exhaustion slowly took over me. I struggled for a few more moments until, eventually, I stopped trying to scream. I stopped trying to open my eyes. I stopped struggling altogether. Then, finally, I stopped trying to breathe. I had given up. But as I was lying there, blinded, unable to move, unable to scream, and running out of air, I realized that I was no longer afraid. The fear that had drenched me earlier was gone.
I was turned on.
His chest was on mine and I felt it move as he breathed. His strong hands were on my shoulders, holding me down. I reached up and touched them. I let my fingers trail up his arms, all the way to his shoulders, lingering for a moment before I slowly reached up to his face.
But it was over before I could touch him. My eyes were open. I can breathe. I can move. Outside, the sky was already starting to get light. I sat up, confused at what just happened.
Putangina, tigang na ata talaga ako. Pati bangungot muntik pang maging wet dream.